Beyond Bubble Baths: How Your Relationship with Yourself Transforms Your Life
Understanding True Self-Love and How To Embrace It
Written By: Carrin Adoma
In today’s wellness culture, self-love is often equated with indulgent bubble baths, spa days, or lighting luxurious candles. These rituals are undoubtedly enjoyable, but let’s dive deeper; true self-love is about cultivating an emotional, mental, and spiritual bond with yourself. It’s about how you talk to yourself, show up for yourself in tough times, and the standards you set for your own happiness.
This profound sense of self-love is the cornerstone of every relationship in your life, including how you engage with others. The way you view and treat yourself will influence your connections, the boundaries you establish, and the love you believe you deserve.
What Self-Love Truly Entails (More Than Just Self-Care)
Self-love isn’t just about what you do; it’s about how you think and feel about yourself. According to Neff, self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness, recognizing that you’re not alone in your struggles, and practicing mindfulness rather than succumbing to self-criticism.
While indulging in physical self-care like updating your skincare routine, eating well, or enjoying a quiet moment of relaxation can enhance your self-love, emotional self-care is where the real magic happens. Consider these essential components:
Self-Acceptance: Embrace every part of yourself, imperfections included.
Emotional Regulation: Navigate your feelings with care instead of burying them.
Self-Validation: Affirm your feelings without seeking approval from others.
The Mirror Effect: How Your Self-Relationship Reflects in Your Relationships with Others
The relationship you nurture with yourself lays the groundwork for how you allow others to treat you. Attachment theory suggests that our self-image and relationship patterns are shaped by early experiences and that this foundational understanding directly affects how we give and receive love as adults.
For instance, if you cultivate self-compassion and respect your boundaries, you’re more likely to attract relationships that reciprocate those qualities. Conversely, a harsh self-critique or neglecting your needs can bring about connections that undervalue or disregard your worth.
Signs Your Self-Relationship Influences Your Connections with Others:
Difficulty saying “no” out of fear of rejection.
Carrying the emotional burdens of others while overlooking your own.
Constantly seeking validation from the outside.
Embracing true self-love can be challenging, especially if you’re navigating the aftermath of trauma or negative conditioning. Remember, self-love is not about achieving perfection; it’s about embracing progress and showing patience with yourself. Healing is a journey, and extending kindness to yourself throughout this process is a profound act of self-respect.
Conclusion: Your Self-Love Impacts Everything
Self-love isn't just a trendy practice; it’s a vital relationship that influences how you engage in all areas of your life. By nurturing kindness, trust, and emotional care toward yourself, you set off a chain reaction that transforms your relationships, career, and overall sense of well-being.
Reflection Question: Are you offering yourself the same kindness and respect that you expect from others?
Journaling Prompt: How do I speak to myself during tough moments? Would I offer the same words to a close friend?
Call to Action: If you feel like you could use some more support in this arena, check out our upcoming Self-Love 101 Workshop being offered in February! You can learn more here.
References
Horney, K. (1950). Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization. W.W. Norton & Company.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.